A stumbling block...

November 16, 2011

If there is one thing I've learned in life it is, where there is joy there also comes fear and heartache. I really think the best things in life don't come easy.  Tonight I find myself in the midst of what I'm hoping is just a minor stumbling block.  (Read: Trying not to panic).  I'm hoping that this is just a stumbling block on the way to an amazing journey.

I haven't been sleeping well.  Besides waking up to pee every hour or so, I have a hard time falling back to sleep.  But I'm really not complaining.  I love being pregnant and I love these babies.  Today, I was so tired and feeling a little cold coming on that I decided I really needed a day to take it easy.  So after we got Ryder off to school, I grabbed my laptop and my work stuff and cuddled into bed.  I officially declared it a "Work from Bed" day.  I actually got a lot done and even manged to squeeze in a 2 hour nap in the middle of the day.  It was definitely needed and when I woke up, I noticed I was running a low grade fever.  So, I grabbed a snack and headed back to bed to return some calls and emails.  I really wasn't feeling well so I got up to ask Joe if he would pick Ryder up from school.  As I walked from our room to the office, I felt a little trickle.  It's not really funny, but I thougth I peed my pants.  I turned right around and went to the bathroom only to find, I was bleeding.  My heart sunk.  I called for Joe who immediately came running.  He brought me my phone and I called my dr.  At this point its 4:35pm and I know that its going to be hit or miss to get them on the phone.  Frustrated and nervous, I leave a message.  Five minutes later, my call is returned.  She asked a million questions and determined I need to be in bed for the rest of the night.  She told me I'm only to get up to go to the bathroom.  And that I should come in tomorrow morning for another ultrasound to see what is going on.  *Sigh*.  I wonder, when I will get to go for an ultrasound where I'm not paralyzed with fear???

Amongst all of this, I am trying desperately to stay positive!  I have a hard time believing that I would be given such an amazing gift just to have them taken away.  I want to believe these babies are going to be ours to keep.  I've been trying to distract myself with TV, texts, Facebook, etc.  But as hard as I try, I can't get this out of my mind.  I know its going to be a long night!  All I can do is pray and continue to believe that they will be okay!  They have to be okay!!!