It's not all rainbows

I'm 25 weeks today.  I'm thrilled to be this far along and getting to the homestretch, but its not an easy road.  It's definitely NOT all rainbows.  I try to see the best in each and every situation but tonight, I'm having a tough time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.  My poor husband is such a trooper and takes on all the extras and listens to my complaints with stride.  To give him a break from the complaining, tonights blog was written.  So here's the naked truth on my twin pregnancy.

I wake up in the morning feeling super stiff and achey.  I slowly roll to the side and let the babies shift before I try to stand.  Upon standing, I really need to take a minute and again wait for them to adjust to my new position.  They are both positioned very low and standing and walking is painful at best.  It's a lot of weight on my pubic bone and makes each step an effort to take.  If I spend too much time standing, the contractions start.  I know its my bodies way of telling me its had enough.  I think at least a thousand times a day, "Just put one foot in front of the other"  or "One day at a time".  Lately, its become "One minute at a time". 

Most days, I work a full day but try to find a good hour or 2 in the middle of the day to lay down and "rest".  Sometimes, I am able to doze off and those are my better days.  After work, I gear up for my time with my favorite little guy.  I absolutely adore our time together but often feel so trapped.  I can't play with him the way we used to.  I can't go on bike rides, I can't wrestle, and I can't get on and off the floor anymore without help.  We find creative ways to spend quality time together, but I really miss playing the way we used to.  I keep reminding myself, soon enough I'll have my body back.  It's a worthy cause.  

Let's fast forward to bedtime.  Oh bedtime.  I have a love/hate relationship with you.  I love you because its FINALLY the time of the day where there are no demands on me or my time. I crawl into bed as soon as we put Ryder to bed.  I start my night laying on one side and can tolerate it for about 30 minutes.  After that time, my hip will alter between achey and numbness and eventually just begins to scream with pain.  I take all my pillows and readjust to the other side.  After a little while, the same thing happens on the that side.  Next, I rearrange the nest of pillows so that I can lay sitting up: 2 to support my upper back and neck, one under my knees for support, and another one to support my lower back.  This worked for a couple weeks but now its my least favorite.  The pressure on my tailbone is absolutely unbearable in this position.  The girls instantly start to squirm and kick and I'm pretty sure they don't like it either.  Once I have repeated those steps several times, I pack up the pillows and go downstairs to the couch.  I go through a similar process on the couch.  That eventually becomes unbearable as well and I drag myself back up to bed.  Nights are so long.  All I want to do is sleep. My body is exhausted.  My mind is non functional, and yet, I'm still awake. Most nights I alter between the bed and couch 3-4 times.  And before I know it, Ryder is waking up and its time to get him ready for school.  And it all begins again.  Sigh.

I really don't enjoy complaining.  But I really felt the need to get this out.  For all of you who think that having twins makes me "lucky" or is so "fun".  I wish you could experience this stage in the pregnancy.  The truth of the matter is its very hard work and extremely physically and emotionally draining.  With that said, I love these girls so much and am so thankful for them.  The truth is, I'd do it 100 times over for them but am DAMN glad I only have to do it once!